I was going to write about how the last few days have gone and I will later. But then tonight on the way home I got hit with a stomach punch. I haven’t had many of these... you know the ones where they come out of left field very innocently and knock you to the ground tears in your eyes??? Well it came from my 4 year old. He is in love with space, astronauts and lasers this week. He says to me. “Mommy, Daddy... I want to be an astronaut when I grow up”. Brian's response “is that’s great... do you want to ride in a space ship” and he says “yes, we can all go to space and live there. Mommy, Daddy, Joshua, and I. Joshua and I can be astronauts together and fly all over the galaxy.”
I could not say a word. Tear welled up instantly. All I could think of is how do I tell my 4 year old that the one thing his brother can never be is an astronaut. When I was in the hospital this is what the dr on call kept telling me to make me "relaxed" about what the diabetes was going to do to Joshua's life. He said it won’t affect his future in being able to do things and be things. The only thing he can’t do is be an astronaut.
I know this sounds silly but it is hitting me tonight just as hard as it hit me then. I am so sad that there is something... anything that my beautiful baby boy cannot grow up to be. I mean REALLY I know the chances are he wasn’t going to grow up and fly to space... but don’t we all want our children to grow up to be anything they want! In the end I said nothing except “Yes, Jackson that would be nice.”