Okay so here are some things I have learned... (in no particular order)
• No matter how hard I try, I can't predict yet what foods and activities will do to Joshua. - Try as I might 4 months later I still haven’t found any trends. He will go high or low following activities. Foods I have no idea what will do what for him. I try to keep things balanced but I am at loss on this still! The Dr. says it is normal and with him so young we don’t worry about this yet.
• Joshua's dr will ask me about the one log time I can’t visually remember and I will feel like a bad mom.- I swear she calls every week to check his numbers against the log I send in and we change his formulas based on these calls. I AM LUCKY she does this and not complaining but you can bet the one time she has a question about in the week is the one time I cant remember exactly what happen.
• Joshua will not eat what I want him to when I want him to. - If he is high and I do a low carb dinner he WONT eat it yet the night he is low and I do a high carb dinner he will turn up his nose to that and want the low carb options. remember he is only 15 months so of course it is not just D.
• We each have different children with different formulas. It amazes me when I see someone excited about bed time numbers of around 125. Joshua is to be between 100-200 *YEA RIGHT* but over night if he is under 150 we are to wake up and give carbs. If over 350 we give insulin. Again this has to do with him being so young but when we hit 75 in this house (which is great for some) it sends us in a tail spin.
• Just when I think that we can reduce how much we spend on co pays- the boys get sick and the 15 month check up hits and the endo visit hits... UGHHHHH Have I mentioned I HATE 80/20 plans!
• I cant just go on a play date with the boys anymore. I have to pack the entire kitchen sink with me so if I say no to a play date it is not about not wanting to hangout but more about not having the energy to plan out everything he will eat while we are away.
• I cant catch up on the D mom blogs and not cry no matter how hard I try. I cry about what I know you all are struggling with. I cry for what I learn is yet to come for me. I cry for the innocence our family has lost. I cry because I know for some families Diabetes would be a relief and I feel the great burden from it.
• I have learned that I will never stop being annoyed at the question "is this like forever or just a phase?" " Can't you just feed him correctly?"- Like I was feeding my 11 month old baby soda and candy for uhhh any meal??? Thank you for being concerned but really???
• I have learned that the term breast fed baby no longer carries the weight with me it did before. Jackson was healthy as a horse only going to well baby visits. Joshua he started off with reflux and it only went from there. Both were exclusively breast fed. Go figure!
• I have learned that a glass of wine or 2 will never taste as sweet again for the fear that I will sleep past the 3 am alarm.
Okay so maybe this is a little bit of a rant today, but it feels good! THANKS for listening
(((Hugs)))
ReplyDeleteYOU, my friend, are doing AMAZING!
There is a period of RAPID brain development that occurs between birth and 6 years of age. During this time it is essential for the brain to be fed LOTS AND LOTS AND LOTS of glucose -- what happens when he grows? He needs more glucose. His brain is no different.
DO NOT FRET his numbers compared to anyone else's. He is unique. His brain is growing and needs that glucose!!!!!!!! Addy is going to be 7 next month and we just started buckling the belt to strive for a different level of control when she was approaching her 6th birthday.
We'll be tightening the belt a little more as puberty approaches.
And you will too. PLEASE rest assured that you are doing a fantastic job at managing this beast!!!!!!
You are doing a fantastic job!!! Always remember that!!!
ReplyDeleteI think you are doing a great job. That first year is so, so hard... remember that. And remember to give yourself a break. I had (and still have) so many feelings similar to yours.
ReplyDeleteP.S. I am jealous of your endo!
I love that you are posting all this NOW. I didnt blog or record in anyway my thoughts and feelings until over a year after dx. I wish I had. But funny enough, I just remembered some of them... now.... reading this post.
ReplyDeleteIn a year... two years.... FIVE years.... you will go back and read this. And you will think WOW we have come SO FAR!
((((HUGS)))) YOU ARE AN AMAZING D MOM! =)
An awesome list! I'm so impressed with number one. It takes some much much longer to learn that sometimes...the numbers are going to do what they are going to do...and nothing short of a crystal ball will help. But we do our best...and you my friend, are doing phenomenal!
ReplyDeleteA great list! I can identify with so many.
ReplyDeleteBut you forgot one thing.....
You've learned that insulin is totally AWESOME!! : )
every little bit of me loves every little bit of you... THAT i know for sure.
ReplyDeleteAND i know that you are an awesome mom who has grown through struggle more than any one person should ever have to... you are an inspirtation. keep writing.. keep your thoughts flowing. because never again will you be where you are now....writing will help you remember...(that's a good ...and a bad.. thing.)
I love you honey. I agree that this is so stressful. It is more than any family should have to deal with. We can handle anything though. Just know that we are in this together.
ReplyDelete