In VA during the summer, we don’t get very many nice days. Today was a nice day! The normal humid 99 degree feels like it is 110 was replaced by 80 degree light breeze and slightly cloudy with a sprinkle in the afternoon! IT WAS A PERFECT DAY!! When I woke up in the am, I had decided that today was going to be a good day. So up we go, blood sugar check showed 177 this is great for us we have been battling highs this summer... heck who am I kidding since DX we have been too high on avg. (Joshua never honeymooned) this is for another post, we have breakfast, and chat with my mom to see if she wanted to go to the zoo today. She said yes. This is at 9:00 am. Then starts the mess of getting ready. Do I have supplies, yes, snacks yes, milk for 10:30 am snack, yes, lunch ... crap part of it but I need to stop at store on way, do I have things for the 4 year old because of course, he will want a snack if the younger brother gets one. Okay Mom arrives at 10ish, pack everyone up start driving... tire light comes on... nail in tire... can I make it till Brian gets home.. yes... run into the store to get lunchables... yes I know not the healthiest but it is premeasured and proportioned... okay back in the car... CRAP I forgot to give the unit of insulin for the milk he downed at 10:15 as soon as he saw it... okay back in the car on the way... we arrive at 11:30.. the zoo is 20 min tops from my house... Here is where I get really irritated.... DO YOU KNOW how many kids I saw walking around today just eating snacks out of bags, mom had no care or clue how much they were eating... It made my heart break. We had to sit for 45 minutes at the Giraffe exhibit to make sure we ate all our food and counted it all did the math, do our shots. I WAS irritated and sad. It really just took a chunk of fun out of today. Not because my son couldn’t eat some crappy goldfish out of a crappy bag but because I will never have the ease of just giving my child a snack to subdue him because he just wants something to snack on. I have to count out each dam fish, and then make sure they don’t drop on the floor, then I have to pull out the D bag out of this HUGE GIANTIC UGLY BLUE BAG that I have to fight with on the stroller, draw the insulin look at the other moms and kids watching me give my son a shot.
Yes I know this is the only life he will ever know but REALLY a toddler at 18 months should be able to snack whenever he wants. At dinner we are fighting over the feeding issue. YES I WANT to stop feeding my child. He is 18 months by golly but really I HAVE TO FEED him... I can’t weigh what ends up on the bib and floor to take it out of the carbs I preweighed for dinner. He is frustrated, I am frustrated and I WANT to make this easier for him and I CANT!
As much as I don’t want to admit it, The truth is he isn't normal and I can’t treat him as such. This is still heartbreaking 7 months later. We are looking at trying to find a new church because our church doesn't have a beeper service for the child watch. We haven’t been in so long because I refuse to leave him. Our nursery was good enough for Jackson and Joshua pre D but not now. REALLY now I can’t even go to my church because of D!! I know I am irritated and frustrated and with time some of these issues will resolve themselves, but right now it just sucks. Overall it has been a hard, rough summer (more stories to come later) and I really just wanted today to be a great day. The poor kids in snack cups and bags really just sent me over the edge I think.
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| Jackson and Joshua |
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Joshua showing me the animals
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My big boy!
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playing in the water
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| the boys |
Sounds like you're going through a bit of a rough patch :( Things get better, I promise! We all still have our ups and downs with this stupid disease, try not to let it get you down! You're doing a great job and have the pictures to prove it!
ReplyDeleteThe pix of the boys are GREAT. Your feelings are totally understandable and NORMAL. Joe was not diagnosed until 3 and I remember feeling J-E-A-L-O-U-S of all those kids who could just eat crackers out of a box, or chips out of the bag...and counting those damn gold fish!!! Hang in there.
ReplyDeleteI am sorry about the church thing too. That is tough.
It all sounds so familiar... we've done two zoo visits since Elise's dx and it was so stressful to me. The only difference for us is that Elise's snacks are uncovered because of the type of insulin on, so I didn't have to deal with giving my 15 month old (at the time) a shot. And I still battle with jealousy when I see people just giving their child food. I took Elise to a movie the other day and I'm sure people were staring at me as I weighed her popcorn on the scale (and made her wait until her actual snack time to eat it)... sigh.
ReplyDeleteYou sound like you are doing a great job though... being a Momma pancreas to a baby is so hard and it will get easier. When I read your post, it reminded me of how much has changed and how much better it has gotten now that Elise is almost 3. Hang in there!