HI! My husband Brian has started blogging. He has always been the writter in this family but he has not written in a while. I think he was loving the support I was getting from all of you and decided to let his voice out. He is a great father and a wonderful husband. I hope you choose to follow his blog too!! Please stop by and read a post or 2 and welcome him to the "family". He is also type 1 himself. Although he was an odd case and not dx until 6 years ago. Anyway, I hope you like what he has to say! Hugs to you all!
http://ddadspeaks.blogspot.com/
Tuesday, September 21, 2010
Monday, September 20, 2010
Brave
So after our crazy night on Thursday, (which, by the way, he finally got up to 180. *we treat for anything overnight lower then 150*), I was supposed to drive Friday night 5 hours to my best friend’s house for her shower on Saturday. Now I have a great friend and she suggested I just come up early morning… so I went back home and went to bed. I got up to do the 3 am testing (with the help of my fabulous husband) and got on the road. It wasn’t to bad. I was really actually dreading the drive- 64 to 95 (towards DC) and then over to WV. BUT you know what I loved the quiet *well truth be told it wasn’t really quiet I had the radio blasting the entire time and had the windows down loving the fall air.* I made great time and got to listen to my head, and a lot of songs. Here is one by Jamie O’Neal that never was released but on her cd. All in all it was a FANTASTIC road trip I loved driving and really was proud of myself when I pulled back into the driveway just over 36 hours later. Ill post more about what happen while I was gone and my thoughts on the trip later.. gotta run now but wanted to leave you with this.
Brave~ Jamie O’Neal
I been down about as low as anyone can get
The whole world was closin' in
Couldn't find a friend
No one else could help me
Had to walk through the fire alone
Life has brought me to my knees
And faith had led me home
Let the storm rage around me
I will stand, I will fight
And when the darkness surrounds me
I will make my own light
I may not win every battle
But I'll get stronger with every fear I face
And I'll be brave
I can be courageous and still be so afraid
I've discovered pain is the beginning to a change
Somewhere deep inside us
There's a strength we don't know we have
Just when you think you can't go on
Suddenly there's a path
Let the storm rage around me
I will stand, I will fight
And when the darkness surrounds me
I will make my own light
I may not win every battle
But I'll get stronger with every fear I face
And I'll be brave
Every time I get back up it gets harder to knock me down
'Cause my soul's on steady ground
Let the storm rage around me
I will stand, I will fight
And when the darkness surrounds me
I will make my own light
I may not win every battle
But I'll get stronger with every fear I face
And I'll be brave
I'll be brave
Brave~ Jamie O’Neal
I been down about as low as anyone can get
The whole world was closin' in
Couldn't find a friend
No one else could help me
Had to walk through the fire alone
Life has brought me to my knees
And faith had led me home
Let the storm rage around me
I will stand, I will fight
And when the darkness surrounds me
I will make my own light
I may not win every battle
But I'll get stronger with every fear I face
And I'll be brave
I can be courageous and still be so afraid
I've discovered pain is the beginning to a change
Somewhere deep inside us
There's a strength we don't know we have
Just when you think you can't go on
Suddenly there's a path
Let the storm rage around me
I will stand, I will fight
And when the darkness surrounds me
I will make my own light
I may not win every battle
But I'll get stronger with every fear I face
And I'll be brave
Every time I get back up it gets harder to knock me down
'Cause my soul's on steady ground
Let the storm rage around me
I will stand, I will fight
And when the darkness surrounds me
I will make my own light
I may not win every battle
But I'll get stronger with every fear I face
And I'll be brave
I'll be brave
Friday, September 17, 2010
Late night
Okay so it is 4:19 am EST. I have not been to bed yet. Joshua's numbers are so wacky tonight.. we had a good day a normal numbers day. Met with our Endo RN it went well. Nothing out of the new ordinary till tonight...
Dinner @6:15 274 high for Joshua coverage of carbs and correction for high
Bed time @8:00 test just to see how he is 142 hmm that was quick.
Bedtime Snack and coverage of snack
12:22 87 - okay so 10 cbs of banana
1:12 221 - okay so maybe 10 was to much but I didnt give any correction on this.. I decide to wait it out a little and check again in an hour or so
2:59 141-hmm it came down a lot on its own... weird supposed to be around 150-350 over night so I give him 1/2 tsp of icing as to not wake him again. Ill retest in 30 min
3:40 108!!! REALLY after icing he went DOWN!!! I DONT GET IT!! 14 cbs of juice is my new weapon. I mean really I tried the good bananas, I tied the easy icing... so why not try the juice. okay it is now 4:30 and I'm off to check again! Wish me luck!!
Dinner @6:15 274 high for Joshua coverage of carbs and correction for high
Bed time @8:00 test just to see how he is 142 hmm that was quick.
Bedtime Snack and coverage of snack
12:22 87 - okay so 10 cbs of banana
1:12 221 - okay so maybe 10 was to much but I didnt give any correction on this.. I decide to wait it out a little and check again in an hour or so
2:59 141-hmm it came down a lot on its own... weird supposed to be around 150-350 over night so I give him 1/2 tsp of icing as to not wake him again. Ill retest in 30 min
3:40 108!!! REALLY after icing he went DOWN!!! I DONT GET IT!! 14 cbs of juice is my new weapon. I mean really I tried the good bananas, I tied the easy icing... so why not try the juice. okay it is now 4:30 and I'm off to check again! Wish me luck!!
Sunday, September 12, 2010
Space Ranger
I was going to write about how the last few days have gone and I will later. But then tonight on the way home I got hit with a stomach punch. I haven’t had many of these... you know the ones where they come out of left field very innocently and knock you to the ground tears in your eyes??? Well it came from my 4 year old. He is in love with space, astronauts and lasers this week. He says to me. “Mommy, Daddy... I want to be an astronaut when I grow up”. Brian's response “is that’s great... do you want to ride in a space ship” and he says “yes, we can all go to space and live there. Mommy, Daddy, Joshua, and I. Joshua and I can be astronauts together and fly all over the galaxy.”
I could not say a word. Tear welled up instantly. All I could think of is how do I tell my 4 year old that the one thing his brother can never be is an astronaut. When I was in the hospital this is what the dr on call kept telling me to make me "relaxed" about what the diabetes was going to do to Joshua's life. He said it won’t affect his future in being able to do things and be things. The only thing he can’t do is be an astronaut.
I know this sounds silly but it is hitting me tonight just as hard as it hit me then. I am so sad that there is something... anything that my beautiful baby boy cannot grow up to be. I mean REALLY I know the chances are he wasn’t going to grow up and fly to space... but don’t we all want our children to grow up to be anything they want! In the end I said nothing except “Yes, Jackson that would be nice.”
I could not say a word. Tear welled up instantly. All I could think of is how do I tell my 4 year old that the one thing his brother can never be is an astronaut. When I was in the hospital this is what the dr on call kept telling me to make me "relaxed" about what the diabetes was going to do to Joshua's life. He said it won’t affect his future in being able to do things and be things. The only thing he can’t do is be an astronaut.
I know this sounds silly but it is hitting me tonight just as hard as it hit me then. I am so sad that there is something... anything that my beautiful baby boy cannot grow up to be. I mean REALLY I know the chances are he wasn’t going to grow up and fly to space... but don’t we all want our children to grow up to be anything they want! In the end I said nothing except “Yes, Jackson that would be nice.”
Friday, September 3, 2010
7 months in
Okay let me first say I hope this post doesn’t upset any of my family and friends. I don’t know who reads this and who doesn’t but this is my outlet and I don’t want to have to filter myself on here to be PC.
Joshua has been dx with D since Feb 2010 it has been almost 7 months. He is only 18 months and is not communicating his diabetic needs yet and heck truth be told we still don’t know his patterns yet. T1 is absolutely an art form not a science. 2+2 DOESN’T equal 4. Joshua has been left less than 5 times without Brian or myself. Only 1 of those times he was awake and none of them for longer than 2 hours. The reality of it is though that we have not been on a date in 7 months. We have learned how to have great family dates. We haven’t been to our church in 5 months. We went one time and kept Joshua with us. ***THIS WAS A NIGHTMARE*** We have turned down several invites to events because they weren’t kid friendly or just one of us went. When my dad was in the hospital for 14 days in July, Joshua had to go with me to help my mom and dad during the day and when he was in the ICU I couldn’t go to the hospital because I had no one to watch him. On top of all this my son is now stranger phobic - and this doesn’t work for me. HE SCREAMS like crazy if we see friends and they want to hold or play with him. This is POST hospital stay. PRE hospital stay he was loving to everyone, never fussy (except right before dx) and very friendly.
I have had LOTS of offers from friends and family to watch him, but I am not sure they really want to take full control of all that goes into watching a little baby with T1 that cannot communicate at all with you his needs. He can’t tell you when he is low or to remind you that EVERYTHING that goes in his mouth must be counted and covered. He can’t tell you to make sure you get all the bubbles out of the needle because every bubble is taking up space for his life support meds. That if you leave bubbles you are not giving him enough meds and when he is already on diluted insulin every nano space counts. I actually had someone say to me *lovingly* I can watch him really how hard can it be... I was fully prepared to give up date nights and solo time with hubby. We have enjoyed our cost savings as only 1 of us gets to go do something at a time, but alas there are events coming up that force us to change our ways.
I have a friend getting married. I’ve known her for 21 years. It is a no kids wedding. What do I do???
My beautiful sister has planned an elegant and magical wedding day on 10/23. Jackson my 4 year old is her ring bearer. I have been looking forward to this day for so many years and as her maid of honor I AM SO EXCITED to participate in every pre-wedding set up I can. My husband has also been asked to be a groomsman. Now, my sister has made every effort to make this as easy for us as possible, but really it is still not "easy" (well not as easy as it would have been pre dx). The wedding is at 4:30 on Saturday with a black tie reception to follow. Sara has arranged (very graciously) to have a group called the wedding sitters to watch the children upstairs during dinner and dancing. That will be easy enough, we will just take him up and go up to check on him ourselves. Pack all his own snacks, and meals, and STRESS to them the importance of not giving him anything else. But Friday and Thursday with all the pre wedding activities is where we have issues. My in-laws have agreed to come and watch the boys Friday during the rehearsal dinner which will be on a beautiful boat in the PA harbor. We will gone for SEVERAL hours, not counting the morning of the wedding getting ready, doing pictures, hair and makeup. (not the kind of thing you want a cranky, teething, 18 month old tagging along for) This however will be the In-laws first time doing ANY of Joshua's d care. I am not sure how to walk the fine line of being over protective and being careful. I’m not sure how to make sure they know EVERYTHING they need to know and not be condescending
My dad has been diagnosed with Bladder Cancer and will need to begin chemo in the next few weeks, I need to be able to be there for him and my mom, I WANT to be able to drop everything and take him to some treatments, to help when and where I can but how can leave Joshua with anyone who might not be as careful as I am? HOW can I ask someone to quite literary be responsible to keep him alive?
I am a creative memories consultant and every year we have an incentive trip to great locations. I have earned 6 of the last 8 years. Brian and I LOVED these trips and Jackson loved staying with his grandparents. I missed 1 because Joshua was being born :) and one this year because of the dx. The next trip is a week in Cancun... HELLO we could use this trip as a couple... BUT really a WEEK of asking someone else to take care of our son, to do 12 am, 3 am and maybe more overnight checks... HECK there is no way. So instead I am going to have to take someone other than my husband and still have to get someone to stay at the house to help take care of Joshua while Brian works. or not go... tell me what kind of answer is that??
Our church doesn’t have a child care center that I feel comfortable in so we have begun the search for a new church... We went this last week and Joshua did okay. I tested before I left and just told them use only these snacks, count what you give him and I’ll do the rest. 1 hour later I came back and he was fine.. I was fine and I did the math for the snacks.
I AM SO TIRED I can’t think straight, I fall asleep sometimes while trying to spend time with Jackson when Joshua is napping. When both of them nap I feel guilty if I nap because I then have to cook, clean, work, and do laundry when they are awake and I want to be a better mom then that. I feel so guilty about it MY husband is amazing and is working so hard to keep us afloat when all this insurance and job crap has happened. he does the 3 am shift most weekends and tries to let me sleep in on the weekend, but when does he get a break...
I just feel so alone (outside of you guys of course) I feel like everyone has so much going on in their lives and I know we could have it so much worse. YES D SUCKS!!! But thank GOD there is treatment and a course of action to take. There are other mothers blogging right now about making burial arrangements, mothers blogging about children who will never know laughter or running. Mothers who are blogging about illness that are so rare and so horrible that they don’t even have support groups to participate in. AND I KNOW I should be grateful that Joshua is otherwise healthy and okay, but dang it I am pissed right now.
I guess when it all gets down to it I am pissed that my child can’t be carefree. That my family can’t be care free. That I am having to create a care manual to care for my child. That love, food, water and safety aren’t enough for him. That I can’t just let him to play at a friend’s house, that he can’t just get dropped off at the grandparents, that I can’t just let a hotel sitter watch him. I am pissed that when he sees the testing kit come out he holds out his finger.... When I go to hand him a drink he signs "test test test" to me. That I feel like I have to say every time someone hears my baby has D that he didn’t get it from lack of diet and exercise but from an auto immune issue. ( I mean really do you think I gave my 11 month old soda and ho hos???) I am pissed I am giving in to all this anger and not being the perky, happy, mommy I was 8 months ago. That my temper is getting the better of me lately, and that I cant multitask anymore. I miss me… I miss who I was…
Thank you for letting me rant and if you are a friend of mine or family PLEASE don’t take any of this the wrong way. I love you and appreciate all you do for us. I want to let you watch Joshua we just have to learn together how to do that.
Joshua has been dx with D since Feb 2010 it has been almost 7 months. He is only 18 months and is not communicating his diabetic needs yet and heck truth be told we still don’t know his patterns yet. T1 is absolutely an art form not a science. 2+2 DOESN’T equal 4. Joshua has been left less than 5 times without Brian or myself. Only 1 of those times he was awake and none of them for longer than 2 hours. The reality of it is though that we have not been on a date in 7 months. We have learned how to have great family dates. We haven’t been to our church in 5 months. We went one time and kept Joshua with us. ***THIS WAS A NIGHTMARE*** We have turned down several invites to events because they weren’t kid friendly or just one of us went. When my dad was in the hospital for 14 days in July, Joshua had to go with me to help my mom and dad during the day and when he was in the ICU I couldn’t go to the hospital because I had no one to watch him. On top of all this my son is now stranger phobic - and this doesn’t work for me. HE SCREAMS like crazy if we see friends and they want to hold or play with him. This is POST hospital stay. PRE hospital stay he was loving to everyone, never fussy (except right before dx) and very friendly.
I have had LOTS of offers from friends and family to watch him, but I am not sure they really want to take full control of all that goes into watching a little baby with T1 that cannot communicate at all with you his needs. He can’t tell you when he is low or to remind you that EVERYTHING that goes in his mouth must be counted and covered. He can’t tell you to make sure you get all the bubbles out of the needle because every bubble is taking up space for his life support meds. That if you leave bubbles you are not giving him enough meds and when he is already on diluted insulin every nano space counts. I actually had someone say to me *lovingly* I can watch him really how hard can it be... I was fully prepared to give up date nights and solo time with hubby. We have enjoyed our cost savings as only 1 of us gets to go do something at a time, but alas there are events coming up that force us to change our ways.
I have a friend getting married. I’ve known her for 21 years. It is a no kids wedding. What do I do???
My beautiful sister has planned an elegant and magical wedding day on 10/23. Jackson my 4 year old is her ring bearer. I have been looking forward to this day for so many years and as her maid of honor I AM SO EXCITED to participate in every pre-wedding set up I can. My husband has also been asked to be a groomsman. Now, my sister has made every effort to make this as easy for us as possible, but really it is still not "easy" (well not as easy as it would have been pre dx). The wedding is at 4:30 on Saturday with a black tie reception to follow. Sara has arranged (very graciously) to have a group called the wedding sitters to watch the children upstairs during dinner and dancing. That will be easy enough, we will just take him up and go up to check on him ourselves. Pack all his own snacks, and meals, and STRESS to them the importance of not giving him anything else. But Friday and Thursday with all the pre wedding activities is where we have issues. My in-laws have agreed to come and watch the boys Friday during the rehearsal dinner which will be on a beautiful boat in the PA harbor. We will gone for SEVERAL hours, not counting the morning of the wedding getting ready, doing pictures, hair and makeup. (not the kind of thing you want a cranky, teething, 18 month old tagging along for) This however will be the In-laws first time doing ANY of Joshua's d care. I am not sure how to walk the fine line of being over protective and being careful. I’m not sure how to make sure they know EVERYTHING they need to know and not be condescending
My dad has been diagnosed with Bladder Cancer and will need to begin chemo in the next few weeks, I need to be able to be there for him and my mom, I WANT to be able to drop everything and take him to some treatments, to help when and where I can but how can leave Joshua with anyone who might not be as careful as I am? HOW can I ask someone to quite literary be responsible to keep him alive?
I am a creative memories consultant and every year we have an incentive trip to great locations. I have earned 6 of the last 8 years. Brian and I LOVED these trips and Jackson loved staying with his grandparents. I missed 1 because Joshua was being born :) and one this year because of the dx. The next trip is a week in Cancun... HELLO we could use this trip as a couple... BUT really a WEEK of asking someone else to take care of our son, to do 12 am, 3 am and maybe more overnight checks... HECK there is no way. So instead I am going to have to take someone other than my husband and still have to get someone to stay at the house to help take care of Joshua while Brian works. or not go... tell me what kind of answer is that??
Our church doesn’t have a child care center that I feel comfortable in so we have begun the search for a new church... We went this last week and Joshua did okay. I tested before I left and just told them use only these snacks, count what you give him and I’ll do the rest. 1 hour later I came back and he was fine.. I was fine and I did the math for the snacks.
I AM SO TIRED I can’t think straight, I fall asleep sometimes while trying to spend time with Jackson when Joshua is napping. When both of them nap I feel guilty if I nap because I then have to cook, clean, work, and do laundry when they are awake and I want to be a better mom then that. I feel so guilty about it MY husband is amazing and is working so hard to keep us afloat when all this insurance and job crap has happened. he does the 3 am shift most weekends and tries to let me sleep in on the weekend, but when does he get a break...
I just feel so alone (outside of you guys of course) I feel like everyone has so much going on in their lives and I know we could have it so much worse. YES D SUCKS!!! But thank GOD there is treatment and a course of action to take. There are other mothers blogging right now about making burial arrangements, mothers blogging about children who will never know laughter or running. Mothers who are blogging about illness that are so rare and so horrible that they don’t even have support groups to participate in. AND I KNOW I should be grateful that Joshua is otherwise healthy and okay, but dang it I am pissed right now.
I guess when it all gets down to it I am pissed that my child can’t be carefree. That my family can’t be care free. That I am having to create a care manual to care for my child. That love, food, water and safety aren’t enough for him. That I can’t just let him to play at a friend’s house, that he can’t just get dropped off at the grandparents, that I can’t just let a hotel sitter watch him. I am pissed that when he sees the testing kit come out he holds out his finger.... When I go to hand him a drink he signs "test test test" to me. That I feel like I have to say every time someone hears my baby has D that he didn’t get it from lack of diet and exercise but from an auto immune issue. ( I mean really do you think I gave my 11 month old soda and ho hos???) I am pissed I am giving in to all this anger and not being the perky, happy, mommy I was 8 months ago. That my temper is getting the better of me lately, and that I cant multitask anymore. I miss me… I miss who I was…
Thank you for letting me rant and if you are a friend of mine or family PLEASE don’t take any of this the wrong way. I love you and appreciate all you do for us. I want to let you watch Joshua we just have to learn together how to do that.
Wednesday, September 1, 2010
Blessed
I know I have been grumpy with some of my posting lately so I am taking a break from that today to update you on some fantastic news. I mentioned in the end of July that my friend Amanda McGhee with Kimberlin Gray Photography was going to do a fundraiser for our family to help off set some the large medical bills and the health insurance issues we were having. Well she had 13 families participate in her mini session day and she donated over $1200 to my family! I CANT BELIEVE this happened! I was in awe of everyones sweet kindness and support! A few of the familys we know but the majority of them are people we have never met! Cobra payments are about $2000 alone then of course we have copays, past medical bills and all the other things you all have to. But this was a HUGE HELP! I wanted to share with you some of the photos she took of our family that day.
** I have permission to post these please dont think I stole the pics from her website**
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| Team Davis this is the best family shot I think we have ever had |
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| Jackson 4 years and Joshua 18 months |
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| Sending you a big kiss and lots of Love!! |
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