Judgement

The other day, I was stunned by this man at home depot. Joshua and I were shopping minding our own business when this man leaned over and said something to Joshua. It caught my attention and so I looked up. He said “how old is he… he is cute”.  I said “21 months”.  He said “well don’t you think he needs to take the pacifier out of his mouth”.  Now... in this moment I had 2 choices ignore him or educate him.  So I feeling rather brave choose the later.  I said to this man.  “Well you know what, it is past his nap time but I have to finish this shopping”.  He said “yes, but really he is a boy... no more pacifiers”.  I said oh so sweetly... “Sir he is a type 1 insulin dependent diabetic.  In order to keep him alive I have to give him a shot with everything he eats or drinks outside of water.  I have to test his blood with a finger prick apx 10 times a day.  I can’t just give him milk or snacks to keep him occupied as we are past nap time.  So I choose to let him have a pacifier.  He will not go to college with it I promise”.  He proceeded to say something under his breath and walk away.  Here is my issue.  I am judged everyday about everything, from my 4 year misbehaving in a store, preschool, thanksgiving dinner or just while I am on the phone.  I am judged when people see me prick my son’s finger, whip out the calculator and then do math for a correction.  I am judged when I am at a friend’s house and I have to ask to see the nutrition guide for the snack they are serving to know how many carbs are there.  I am judged when people learn my 21 month has T1. (I have been asked what I fed him prior to his dx)
I don’t need to be judged for allowing my teething, tired, grumpy 21 month old to use his "binky".  He normally only gets it at bed time this happened to be a special circumstance.  With Jackson we moved to nap time only at 19 months and no binky at 2.  Who knows what we will do this time but I am not taking this away yet from him.  Hey mister, “Your kid can eat a bowl full of goldfish with no complications... so don’t talk to me about he shouldn’t have a binky.. Guess what he shouldn’t have Type 1 either.”
Earlier this week  Hallie wrote about her sleeping habits with Sweetpea. The sleeping issue got me thinking those that judge us for sleeping with our kids probably do not have children that have chronic illnesses..  They can go to bed knowing that if their children have a bad dream they will wake up and come get them.  Little do they know that our bad dream can come true.  I’m not sure why this got me so worked up... but it did.  REALLY in life we need to support each other and move on.  I was so proud of the DOC who responded back to Hallie with lots of kudos and kind words.  I never thought I would be one to let my boys sleep in the bed but given the year we have had if Jackson wants to snuggle I will let him.  Joshua is harder because he is in the crib and he thinks it is play time in mommy’s bed. I also believe they need to be able to sleep on their own but after that it is all about choice... I know I am preaching to the choir on this one but I had to get it out.. The people who judge me for giving Joshua a cookie, a binky, or whatever else need to sleep a night in my house and then they can pass judgment...

Ps… Thank you to Pj’s for a cure!  Brian won these for me from the great Pj Give away.. (Thanks Kris from Sugar Bugs for picking him).  As soon as he gave them to me tonight they went right on.  I LOVE them and they are super comfy!! ps not my best picture ever but wanted you to see how great they are...

My Jackson!

In honor of special sibling of a D- Kid day!

Jackson is just 4 years old.  At just 4 he should be carefree and not worrying about things that he does.  Before Joshua was born, Jackson would talk to him, sign to my belly and try to listen to the heart beat.  When Joshua was born, he could have really cared less.  He thought it was cute to have a baby but he was pretty oblivious to this little person who had invaded his home.  I would say he was also pretty upset about how much time Mommy spent with him.    Today at lunch my "little man" made me cry.  The waitress accidently took Joshua's burger away before we were done.  He was devastated.  I asked him why he was upset. He looked at me and said mommy, I’m worried Joshua is going to go low.  How life has changed in less then 1 year.  When Joshua was dxed. Jackson was not yet 4.  He had to give his mommy up for 6 long days.  Daddy came home only to shower and kiss him goodnight.  He didn’t understand any of this.  We didn’t understand any of this.  When we came home and picked him up from my mom, I found a feverish little boy who had no energy and was wheezing something fierce.  We scooped him up and off to the doctor we went.  We still had our id bracelets on and Joshua in tow.  When we got to the doctors. They couldn’t believe that our 11 month old was dx with diabetes. We spent 30 mins discussing this instead of discussing Jackson's status.  We ended up having to take him to the hospital for a chest xray and it was pneumonia.  This was hard to deal with. This was the first time that D forced Jax to take a back seat.  When Jackson had his end of the year report card from preschool last year, his teacher said , he is the only one that knew his full name, address and phone number.  Jackson and I have role played him having to call 911 and if he were to get lost what would he say. he has this entire script down the cutie.. When he meets someone he introduces himself first and then always tells them my brother has Diabetes.   He has become so protective and loving... yet of course he is a 4 year old boy. He gets frustrated and irritated when Joshua takes his toy, or when Joshua is screaming.  I can tell you Jackson can been in the middle of a full on tantrum and Ill say Joshua is low I need to deal with this. He will stop instantly... He is an amazing, strong, smart, and beautiful boy.  He prays daily for a cure for his brother.  (he always forgets a cure for daddy) Every day when we sit at a meal he pretends to test his sugar.  (He has let me test it 2 times when I was having a very worried moment due to extreme thirst and throwing up) He was excited when his great aunt just gave him a calculator because he would be able to  help with Joshua’s carbs!
I love you Jackson, I love your heart, I love that you are a boy, a real boy and yet you cry when you are worried about your brother, and you want to still snuggle with me.  I love that you will help to care for your brother as you get older.  I love that you have memorized your address and phone number incase Joshua needs you.  It breaks my heart that you have to carry this burden.  It makes me flinch every time you beg for a baby sister and I think to myself, I don’t think I have more to give.  I love you dearly and I love our date time when it is just us.  You little man have my heart forever and ever.  I love you!

Thank you for the nomination!

I'd like to thank Hallie for nominating me for The Versatile Blogger Award!

The first rule of accepting this award is to  thank the person who nominated you.
So... THANK YOU Hallie it is great to be thought about!!  

The next rule is to share 7 things about yourself....

Here goes - 7 random things that you may or may not know...

1.   I used to show dogs professionally growing up.  I was number 9 in the nation for Jr. Showmanship with Bearded Collies.  My parents were dog breeders and they showed champion dogs.  (WE WERENT like the TV shows) None of the frilly crap.
2.  Brian and I meet in college. He was a Jr and I was an incoming freshman. He was my orientation leader and scheduled me to be in an advance class. One of his to be exact. He made me cry on the way home from preview weekend in July and my mom said he liked me... I wasn’t so sure and HATED him.  Fast forward to Sept we became friends in class, my boyfriend and I broke up and the rest was history. WE have been married 10 years this past July.
3.  My dad is currently undergoing Chemo for bladder cancer.  He went in the hospital July 18 for a bowl obstruction and came out 17 days later they found an obstruction, bladder cancer, a hole in his heart, and he had a stroke.  He is one of the strongest men I know and I am PROUD to be his daughter.  He has been a smoker his entire adult life and hasn’t picked up another since the hospital so that he doesn’t have another stroke. He wants to be able to take care of my mom. He has a tough exterior and he would deny it all day long but this man is amazing.  
4.  I don’t believe in the need to "be" a religion.  I believe in a relationship with Christ and the need to know and accept him.  I believe that what ever works for you in finding Christ and you following him is what is best.  I was raised Catholic, I choose to be baptized Mormon when I was 18, Brian and I were married in the Episcopal church our children were baptized there and now we currently attend a Methodist service.  I believe that like many things in life you have to find what works for you now.  It is about the relationship, the teachings and path you take to get to our father, not about the location you choose to worship in. 
5.  I can’t go to a movie without buying Popcorn.
6. I love the beach, but don’t go often enough. I only live 20 mins away but after you drag all the stuff with the kids and the mess that you have to take it isn’t nearly as fun as it was in high school or college to steal away and watch the sunrise.  
7. If I could only take 1 thing with me on a island and it couldn’t be a person, I would take my iPod.  I am a music junkie.  I love it all!! I really like when I leave one of your blogs up in the background so I can listen while I type. Now I am listening to Hallies Amazing Grace. We sang this in church and I didn’t know who did it SO THANK YOU so I can go find it now. 

The final rule of accepting this award is to give it to 12 bloggers that you have recently discovered and think are fantastic!

I am not sure who has gotten this and who hasnt.  Sorry if I repeat you!

1.  Niki at Put your oxygen mask on first
2.  Laura at Houston we have a problem
3.  Donna at http://sugarkidsblog.blogspot.com/
4.  Amanda at Extra sweet girl
5.  Rena at Beta Buddies
6.  Tracy at Our new adventure
7.  Meri at Our Diabetic Life
8.  Sarah at Sfinchams Blog
9.  Misty at Box of Chocolates
10.  Lee Ann at The Butter Compartment
11.  Heidi at D-Tales
12.  Brian at D Dad Speaks

A new DMom

Id love to introduce you to a newer D Mom. I havent had the chance to meet her in public yet but we have a mutual friend who thought we could relate to eachother.  Please pop over to her blog http://vabeachduckfamily.blogspot.com/ and give her a warm DOC welcome!! She is a mother to a 4 year old little girl with T1.  I hope you will enjoy getting to know her as I have!
THANKS
Shannon

My 6 things (better late then never)

**D-blog Day was started on November 9th 2005 (by Gina Capone) during Diabetes Awareness Month, to help unite diabetes bloggers and create awareness about diabetes. For more information, head on over to Diabetes Talkfest

1. Type 1 Diabetes is an autoimmune disease, which means Joshua's body attacked the insulin producing cells in his pancreas.   I promise you I didn’t feed my 11 month old juice and soda every day.  (Yes, one person actually asked me that) As a matter of fact, he didn’t have his first taste of Juice until he came home from the hospital and had a low.  Anyone can develop type 1 diabetes. My husband developed it in his 20's.  Just because you don’t have it now doesn’t mean you are clear.  If your family has a history of Autoimmune diseases then you or your children are at a greater risk of developing one or more of the autoimmune diseases.
2. Type 1 Diabetes is fundamentally different from Type 2.  I get so angry when I hear ads on TV talking about diet, and exercise being able to ward off Diabetes.  NOW don’t get me wrong my mother has type 2 and so does my mother in law so I have great feelings about type 2 as well, however, when my 4 year old says "all Joshua has to do is exercise mommy and he won't need shots anymore", I know that now is the time for more education of the public or a name change. 
3. My now 20 month old has to endure up wards of 10-15 finger pricks a day and shots every time he eats or drinks anything outside of water.  THIS IS NOT an option.  Insulin is not the cure. It only keeps him alive.  Someone said one time that insulin is life support and how true that is. I can’t tell you how many times I have heard "well when you get him on the pump it will all be better"... HECK NO! I am telling you I have read page after page from my AWESOME DOC moms who will tell you the pump helps to manage the monster but it won’t be better till we find a cure.  He will still need finger checks, site changes, and more things that no child should have to go through.
4. I never knew how much sleep I could survive on.  I have always been better at night then in the morning, but since 2/11/10 I think I have aged 5 years.  We don’t sleep for more than 3 hours over night in a row and that is a good night. In order to work my Creative Memories Job, and spend time with my husband most nights I go to bed after the midnight check (if it goes well) and then up at 3:30 then up at 6:30.  This is hard.  I don’t like who I am without sleep. I don’t like the mommy I become.  My husband takes most 3:30s on the weekend but I am still waking with the alarms.  Heck even my 4 year old hears the alarms sometimes. 
5. I was never good in math.  Okay that is an understatement I AM HORRIABLE in math.  In the hospital when they told me what the formula was going to include I think I cried more for that then actually giving Joshua his shot.  I had to take remedial math in college.  NOW my sons life DEPENDS on me getting the math right.  I have to calculate the carb in every bite he actually ate, if he was over or under his target BG level, how much insulin is enough for the coverage and correction of a high if needed.  In addition I must be able to determine how the carbs he ate will be affected by the running around a 20 month old may or may not due in the next 2 hours.  EVERY time I give him a shot, I check it, double check it and then still I wonder did I do it right, did I give to much?  Brian and I have both caught ourselves a few times on the math getting a decimal wrong.  The pharmacy has even given us the wrong size needles and we have drawn into them without knowing it.  (of course we caught it before he got the shot) TO THINK my sons life depends on my math skill and decimal placing is the scariest thing to me in the world.
6. Joshua will NOT outgrow this monster.  When Jackson tells me he is scared in the room at night I tell him mommy paid extra when we got the bug guy to spray for monsters.  He will eventually outgrow this stage and we will move on.  But what about the D monster?? Joshua will never out grow it and no matter how much I "pay" the bug guy, he can’t spray it away.  It is a lifelong condition.  It is also a life threating condition.  Since Joshua's dx I have been aware of 4 families that have lost their child to this monster.  Every day I count my blessings.  We were almost one of those families.  When Joshua was dx his body was almost in shutdown mode. his body had begun to give up.  He laid there for the doctors to continue to try and find a vain with not even a flinch.  He was completely non responsive.  This is a monster and we need your help to get rid of him.

GREAT PJ Giveaway

HI! I wanted to make sure you have all heard about this.  If you havent heard about this yet then PLEASE go over to I am your pancreas and read about this awesome company who is giving away 13 sets of PJs! What is great about this company is that Komar donates 100% of  all sales of these special PJs to the Juvenile Diabetes Research Foundation (JDRF).  You can check them out here: http://www.pjsforthecure.org/

I know most of my readers are DOC members and you already  know about it but for those of few of you who arent please check them out!  

More to come later! I miss blogging!!