My Jackson!

In honor of special sibling of a D- Kid day!

Jackson is just 4 years old.  At just 4 he should be carefree and not worrying about things that he does.  Before Joshua was born, Jackson would talk to him, sign to my belly and try to listen to the heart beat.  When Joshua was born, he could have really cared less.  He thought it was cute to have a baby but he was pretty oblivious to this little person who had invaded his home.  I would say he was also pretty upset about how much time Mommy spent with him.    Today at lunch my "little man" made me cry.  The waitress accidently took Joshua's burger away before we were done.  He was devastated.  I asked him why he was upset. He looked at me and said mommy, I’m worried Joshua is going to go low.  How life has changed in less then 1 year.  When Joshua was dxed. Jackson was not yet 4.  He had to give his mommy up for 6 long days.  Daddy came home only to shower and kiss him goodnight.  He didn’t understand any of this.  We didn’t understand any of this.  When we came home and picked him up from my mom, I found a feverish little boy who had no energy and was wheezing something fierce.  We scooped him up and off to the doctor we went.  We still had our id bracelets on and Joshua in tow.  When we got to the doctors. They couldn’t believe that our 11 month old was dx with diabetes. We spent 30 mins discussing this instead of discussing Jackson's status.  We ended up having to take him to the hospital for a chest xray and it was pneumonia.  This was hard to deal with. This was the first time that D forced Jax to take a back seat.  When Jackson had his end of the year report card from preschool last year, his teacher said , he is the only one that knew his full name, address and phone number.  Jackson and I have role played him having to call 911 and if he were to get lost what would he say. he has this entire script down the cutie.. When he meets someone he introduces himself first and then always tells them my brother has Diabetes.   He has become so protective and loving... yet of course he is a 4 year old boy. He gets frustrated and irritated when Joshua takes his toy, or when Joshua is screaming.  I can tell you Jackson can been in the middle of a full on tantrum and Ill say Joshua is low I need to deal with this. He will stop instantly... He is an amazing, strong, smart, and beautiful boy.  He prays daily for a cure for his brother.  (he always forgets a cure for daddy) Every day when we sit at a meal he pretends to test his sugar.  (He has let me test it 2 times when I was having a very worried moment due to extreme thirst and throwing up) He was excited when his great aunt just gave him a calculator because he would be able to  help with Joshua’s carbs!
I love you Jackson, I love your heart, I love that you are a boy, a real boy and yet you cry when you are worried about your brother, and you want to still snuggle with me.  I love that you will help to care for your brother as you get older.  I love that you have memorized your address and phone number incase Joshua needs you.  It breaks my heart that you have to carry this burden.  It makes me flinch every time you beg for a baby sister and I think to myself, I don’t think I have more to give.  I love you dearly and I love our date time when it is just us.  You little man have my heart forever and ever.  I love you!