Faith...

I have picked them, each of them, I have trained them, I have prayed for them.  Now, the week has come for me to lean on them.  Each one of them has asked what can I do? How can I help?  Now it is time to take the leap.  In case you haven’t guessed I’m talking about Joshua's team. 

Joshua has his first solo play date scheduled for Wed, so I can be at the hospital checking on things and helping mom. I will drop him off at Megan's house around 8 am then Jackson to school and to the hospital I will go. I will try to be back to Joshua by 1:00 This means she will have a snack to cover at 10 and lunch to check and cover.   She is ready she says. I know she is... She is a mother and a RN.  I know he will be in great hands. 

Then Thursday…yes, 2 in 1 week <I may need drugs to get through this>, my good friends Deanna and Anna will team up and take Joshua till 11:45 and then add Jackson till 1:00.  Together they will have 5 children.  I know they can do it. I have faith.  They are meeting Brian tomorrow during Dads surgery for a play date to try it with supervision first.  They have been with me 1-2 times a week for kids stuff all year. They know his moods; they can read him like a book. They too will have snack and lunch to take care of. Then Friday my in-laws have graciously offered to drive down and help out. They will be here for an afternoon session, which means they won’t have too much to do before Brian gets home. They had experience at Sara's wedding and I have complete faith in them too..

So if I have faith in all these people, who are smart, knowledgeable, and educated why when I was calling them was my heart racing, palms sweaty, and FREAKING OUT!!  I know I have taken a large step in the right direction getting everything arranged and yet I feel like I may not make it through this.

How do I make sure he has everything he could possibly need... How do I make sure they know it is more than science behind the math it is an art form.  How after all the devastation last week in the DOC do I let go.  I know they must be scared too.. I would be but they are stepping up. They have faith that our 3 hour training gave them enough knowledge to keep him.  Faith is a funny thing. You have to put your entire heart in it or you will not make it to the other side.  I have faith. Faith that my dad will be okay, faith that my friends have the knowledge needed, faith that I will pack everything he could need. Faith that this is a hurdle I can jump, and faith in God that if I believe really really hard and actually walk away for a few hours he will be okay when I return. 

My dad

I want to ask you all for prayers this week.  My dad was dx with Bladder cancer back in July. He went into the Hospital with a bowel obstruction and left 15 days later after 2 major surgeries, the discovery of a hole in his heart, a dx of bladder cancer and having had a stroke after surgery.  This doesn’t define him, the same as Diabetes doesn’t define our kids but it is his new normal.  He battled cancer all fall with rounds of chemo and when the last round was finished they did a scan and saw that the mass was gone but that it had invaded the wall of the bladder which requires him to have full bladder removal.  This is happening on Monday.  Tomorrow he checks into the hospital with my mom beside him.  You see when he checks in so does she. She won’t leave him, the only time she will spend away from him is when he is in surgery and the night he has to be in ICU.  This is what happened in July as well.  They dont do well apart from each other. 

I had an amazing idea for a post in my head about what my dad means to me, how I credit my strength to my mom and him, how he is not a perfect man, but has fought demons inside him to become the man he is today.  How the stroke scared him worse than the cancer because he might not be able to care for my mom. How he is the only child of a first generation immigrant from Ireland, who lost his dad at 16. How he has had a tough life. How when you meet him, he appears gruff, hard, and harsh. But to know him is to know that when a man gives his word it means something, that you don’t let family down, that your siblings are the only people who know exactly what life growing up was like. That hard work is how you get where you want to go in life, and that your job is not your life, your family is your life.  You see I was going to tell you all of this and more, but as I began to write this post my mom emailed my siblings and I this amazing note. Im not sure her intention was to ever share it publicly but she gave me permission to share it with you:

Who is my hubby?

He's my best friend, the reason I fight through my COPD to be with him. He's the father of our 4 wonderful children, grandfather to 5 terrific grandsons who still have so much to learn from him. He's father-in-law to 2 of the nicest son-in-laws and daughter-in-laws you would ever want to meet, who can take some lessons from a man who has been married to the same women for 41 1/2 years. He's a diligent member of the Nansemond Indian tribe, a group of people who are very near and dear to his heart. He's a veteran who served in the navy during Viet Nam. He's a retired Virginia Beach Police Officer who served his city and helped to train other officers to do their job with honor, to make split life and death decisions with courage and compassion. He's a surrogate father to many other kids that came into our lives and were touched by his love and concern for them, the friends of our kids, the kids of our friends. He is the love of my life, not perfect but then none of us are. He has stood by me for 45 years, since the day we met and began to learn and care about someone who means more to each other than words can even begin to explain. He is the puzzle piece that completes me. He is a softy when it comes to me. He would give you the shirt off his back, his time, his money anything he could do for you. Our family knows he can growl and snarl but when the going gets tough he'll defend you and back you to anyone. He's a Dad that didn't miss a single wrestling match, chorus performance or play that his children were in, if he could help it, and couldn't understand why not every kid didn't have their parents there to cheer them on. He was home every night when he wasn't working, called when he was going to be late and brought me fresh flowers every week until he retired and I asked him to stop to save some money. He has always made a family dinner something you didn't miss, where every night we sat and talked about our day, voted on family decisions, and sometimes even had food fights, usually started with him. He has always made sure that whoever cooked didn't have to clean up, that housework and laundry were shared because we all make the mess and all need to clean it up. He is a terrific friend, lover, husband, father, grandfather, father in law, employee, tribe member. He is my man, and I love him with all my heart and all my soul. I pray that God lets us have more time together. I pray that God holds him in the palm of his hand and lets me keep him with me for at least a little longer.

So my friends I beg you to please pray this week for my family.  My dad's surgery is scheduled to be on Monday am est. time and may take as long as 14 hours they have said.  He will have 7-10 days in the hospital and then 4-6 weeks of recovery. Then a lifetime of adjusting to his new normal. 

These are the things I beg of you to pray for. 

Please pray for my family: that mom and dad have the strength to fight what is coming, dad to be cancer free when this is all over, for them both to lean on their family to care for them, for my family to be healthy in my absence, that my dad is able to recover quickly from this life changing procedure, for the doctors to be steady, alert, and swift during what could be a 14 hour procedure on Monday.  For the nurses who will have to take care of my (I’m sure grumpy) daddy for a week while in the hospital.  I pray they remember he is someone’s dad, when he is barking about something at 3 am.  For my siblings who can’t be here locally that they find peace in the information we are able to pass to them, for my brother locally, that his family is strong without him this week as well, and that he and I will know what to do to help our parents. 

It takes a villiage

 With everything that is going on with my dad, having 2 young children and Brian being a T1 himself, we decided that we are not being as prepared as we could be should an emergency take place.  There is not 1 person local to us, who we could just drop and go with Joshua should we need to. My mom and dad would be close but still take about an hour to get them up to spend on things. Not good in an emergency.

When Joshua was dx and several times over the last year we have had friends say "I'd like to be able to help you but I wouldn't know what to do." “Do you want to teach me how to care for him?" I'll be honest over the last year I have felt that they really didn't mean it, they can't, only I can do this, or they would never really want to...
In an effort to be better prepared and in my opinion the most responsible we could be. Brian and I decided to email some of our friends who have offered to "learn" more about caring for Joshua to do just that.  I really only expected 1 or 2 of them to actually come, not that I doubted any of them, but I explained in the letter what would have to be done. Well, I sent an email giving them plenty of chances to back out and everyone I emailed wanted to come learn. We had one family come on Friday night and 7 families were represented today at my house and 2 more families that couldn’t make it today want to learn.  This is so overwhelming to Brian and I.  These friends are more than friends really, most of them are a extension of our family. Some I have known since I was young, and some only the last few years.  But all of them are the go to people in my life.  They are the kind of people that when you have a family only party they are still invited. I have always known they would do anything for my children but this is MORE than anything.  I was crying as the responses came in. One person wrote "Finally you are asking for help. We have wanted to fight this battle with you but we didn't know how"... REALLY I thought we were going to be bothering you with our Diabetes world.. You really want to be a part of this???

So today we gathered in my living room, I hired a babysitter to come and keep the kids on one end of the house, while we stayed on the other. Everyone arrived at 4pm and we dove right in.  I gave everyone a chance to back out several times but no one moved.  They came with calculators and notebooks in hand.  I came with an 11 page document that I had adjusted and updated. It was the care book we got from Joanne.  They had questions and misconceptions they had learned along the way. There were lots of laughs, some tears and more diabetes knowledge then you can dream.  We had Stouffers Lasagna and Garlic bread for dinner, they calculated the carbs.  We had cupcakes for dessert and they calculated the carbs.  Hillary tested Joshua for the first time, Deanna did the math on the cupcake and Anna gave him the shot. 

Not everyone in this group came in knowing each other.  Some had only met at other events, others not at all. In the end they had formed a bond that I can’t even put in words; all around my little boy!!  They want a phone tree so that if they have him, and they have a question they can call each other. (of course I told them to call me first) They want to make secret calls to each other to check on us. They all want more practice before an emergency should arise, but they all feel like they could do it tomorrow, if needed.  You know I have 2 boys Joshua almost 2 and Jackson non D almost 5. Everyone said they don’t think they could do both boys at the same time and then pairs started popping up.  "Well if you take Jackson I can do Joshua, or we could both watch them together". It was an amazing and overwhelming experience. They have all decided they want Team Davis shirts.  (I quickly told them that the JDRF walk is on 10/22 and I'd be working on that)

I am sure over the next year I will lean on one or more of them to help out, emergency or not. I am sure when that happens I will be nervous and stressed out.  But I am also sure that I have one very loved little boy who is so lucky to be loved by this group of people.  Brian and I have been praying for the last year not to fight this battle alone.  You the DOC have been our only community, but until I just connected with Jill via the telephone, I really didn’t feel like anyone got it.  Our families have been amazing and our friends supportive but it was different we werent letting them in.  When I was with friends or updating Facebook with diabetes things, I felt like I was bothering them or they just felt sorry for me. Today I got from them that this is not the case. They want to be involved, they want to be bothered.  I am not naive, I expect that at least one of them will never really be comfortable enough to keep Joshua; I know it is a HUGE responsibility and it is okay. We discussed that tonight too... but the fact that they want to try and that they love us enough to want to fight alongside us is amazing!  I know this isn’t going to fix everything, I know Brian and I still won’t be going on vacations sans children, I know that I still won’t be gone for hours just doing something random.  But I also know, that if one of my loved ones need me, I now have 8 families I can depend on to be there to protect and love my son. 

cute kids enjoying a great dinner while the parents learned about Diabetes!

Joshua's Team.  3 more families not pictured.  HOW AWESOME are these people!

My plea to you my friends is that you will never know when an emergency with you non D family member will arrive.  It is vital that we try to find at least one person who can be our go to person in that case. You will want to be with your fill in the blank (child, husband, wife, mother, father, best friend etc) and not worried that you can’t be there, because no one outside your spouse has been prepared to help.  The other thing I learned is that our non D friends really do love us and WANT to help us, the same way that if it were their child we would want to help them.  We talk all the time about the lack of knowledge about what our children face with this monster and this is one way we can make a difference with our own circles as well as preparing for an emergency should it arrive. 

New Look

Im so excited!! Thanks to my new great friend Jill and my awesome sister Sara I spent several hours tonight playing with the new blog designer on here and have created a more "me" looking blog.  Im sure there will be more changes as the days come but thanks for the insperation and the time! You guys are amazing

Music to make my heart soar

So did you know if I was to be left on a island with only 1 thing I think it would be music?  I have a love for music that is huge, I love it all *okay not rap or hard core*.  Problem is I have a very limited budget for music buying so I have to be very specific on what I get.  I have been in love with your music players.  I have been known to let the songs on Princess and the Pump,  Sweet to the Soul,  Diabetes Sweeties, and others play over and over again for hours here at the house. Some how you find the songs that reach our souls, you find the athems that make us feel good, you find the songs that bring the tears we have been fighting.  I am trying to create some go to songs for good days and pick me up days.  If anyone wants to share some of their favorites with me so I know who I should download that would be wonderful!  I really want to create some go to songs to play in the car and dance around with my boys with. 

Angel food

I was getting ready to place my family's monthly order and I thought of the DOC. Do you know about this service? It isnt related to income or to faith. It is a wonderful program brought to your local area by the local churches but you dont need to be a member, or even give any financial information and GUESS WHAT!!they have a gluten free option.  Anyway we have been using it for months and it has helped to cut down on our grocrey bills.  IT is great food not 2nds or thow away food.  I will say we have done the large fruit box and you get so much it went bad before we could use it all but now they have a small fruit box.  anyway thought I would make sure you all know about!  have a great day
http://www.angelfoodministries.com/menus/menu_2011-01_en.asp

I mean really...

Okay so we have the boys PCP doctors practice... there are like 10 docs in the group and we have gotten to know them all very well over the last few years.  Then of course we have our Endo practice they are awesome too.. But we end up in the PCP office at least 3 times a month.. some months we are in there more than that... this month is shaping up to be one of those. Let’s put it this way I can be walking in the door and they say HI! Mrs. Davis.. no need to sign in it is a $20 copay.  And to be clear, I am not a crazy person… Jackson’s first fever ever was when he was 10 months old he had strep.  Then we didn’t go except for his well baby appt.  When Joshua came along it was like hello Doctors can I please pay off your school loans for you?? Between the 2 of them in the last 2 years I have been through more breathing treatments, amoxicillian, chest x-rays, rash cream to fill a lifetime.  Joshua has had a upper GI, an Ultrasound, sever reflux as a baby, he now has Diabetes and a hernia that needs surgery. Jackson has had 2 cases of pneumonia, lots of wheezing, allergy testing (not allergic to anything supposedly) and a million fevers with no reason.  For 2 breastfed babies they sure do make you question how breast is the way to stay healthier.. (although we have not had ear problems)
Anyway last week we were in because Joshua had a bad rash all over his body... they asked me over and over again... does he have a fever... I said no... (he didn’t)... Fast forward 5 days and he has a fever... now I don’t know if it is because they like to see my face, he is less than 2 or because he has Diabetes but every time he is running a fever they want to see him ASAP.  Which is great I can always get in but really... it’s a fever.. with Jackson I will let it run for 24-48 hours before calling.. well of course I call today and say he has a fever 1st check is 103.4 with .7 Keytones do you want me to treat with meds and call you tomorrow... they say no, we need to see him.. okay great so off we go at 3:45 to the dr.  (mind you Jackson had a dentist appt at 12:30 -2:30ish so we are just getting in the door when I discover his fever.  Off we go... the nurse says... you came in for a fever when it was just the first time? I said yes I called they told me to come in.. of course the meds have kicked in and his fever is at 99.  the doc listens... she says... we need to do a CBC, and a breathing treatment... I think he may have pneumonia.  She sent us for a chest x-ray and we have a follow up in the am... we have started on amoxicillin.. fun stuff..
Just wondering do your kids get sick as much as mine??  Do your pcps freak out about the D monster and make you come in asap.  This time of course I am glad we did because it appears as though it will be something major but, do you know how many cbcs we have had done and they say oh looks like it just has to run its course… I mean really…

Christmas Funk

Ive been in this funk the last few weeks... I am really frustrated and irritated!  I am so mad that I cant put words to it.  I am over being this "new" person that I am. We had a good Christmas, circumstances being what they are financially we did the best we could.  For me Christmas was a very bitter sweet holiday this year. We spent the entire day fighting Joshua's low. We had a ton of family here which I loved.  I LOVE hosting my family (both my side and Brian’s side).  We have a small 1500 square foot home and when you put 20 people in it, it fills up quick.  But it always works out.  Anyway back to the bitter sweetness. 

I am angry and upset that we had to deal with Diabetes this year, that we had to take breaks to test Joshua. That Jackson had to wait to do his presents till after breakfast because I knew if we started we would mess up the schedule.  I was very sad that Joshua couldn’t just eat whatever and go with the flow.  IT SUCKED!! But every time I got upset I remembered that this could have been a very different Christmas.  Joshua was 11 months old when he was DX last Feb 13th.  He was completely non responsive before the doctors realized what was going on. He had a BG of 1260.  We were told we were within hours of losing him.  So Why cant I just live in the gratitude and not be so angry about it?

My dad was dx with Bladder Cancer in July.  He has been fighting cancer with my mom by his side since then.  They have met with Dr. after Dr. Dad has more “logyst” then I have toes right now but he is fighting, in his way.  He is a strong man and doesn’t discuss what is going on. He went through Chemo all Fall and finished right before Christmas.  On January 31st he has to have a complete Bladder removal.  It is a 12 -14 hour procedure.  Before then he has to meet with more doctors. (in the hospital he had a stroke, and a bowl obstruction alongside the cancer dx).  Again as I was looking at my dad and watching the day I was reminded about how much this sucks and that I HATE cancer.  But I was also reminded that again we could have had it much worse. Dad was in the hospital for 15 days in July.  The reality is that as much as this sucks he was here with us for Christmas.  He is fighting and he will survive.  So why am I so grumpy because I know I won’t be able to do everything for them that I want or need to because I can’t have others care for Joshua and Brian can’t be off work that long.  I am so angry that this disease is costing me time with my parents helping them the way they have always helped me.  Why can’t I just focus on the fact that he is here and we will be okay?

So If I know how blessed I am and  I can see the other side of the coin WHY am I in such a funk.  Why can I not bring myself to blog more and communicate with you.  Why can I not find the energy to do simple things that need to be done?  Christmas has been down for a while and we moved the boys to one room and made a playroom out of the other but I have 2 laundry baskets of books to sort and put away, taxes to start on, Christmas cards to send (okay really how about Valentine’s day cards), a dresser to sell on Craig’s list and the list goes on.  Each of these things will take a few mins but I don’t want to do them... I don’t have the energy to do them.  Then I go to bed angry I didn’t do them... UGHHH it is such a bad cycle!  

Thanks for letting me vent! 



Family fun at Busch Gardens



My Parents with all 5 of the Grandkids *note all boys*

I was so excited to get this photo!!



My Family!



note the testing we had all day of this!!

Extra Test Strips

Hope this finds you all doing well.  My mom (Type 2) has a Freestyle Meter and has lots of extra test strips about to expire this year as she gets more then she needs. It isnt my meter so we thought maybe somone can use them on the DOC.  She has 4 boxes that expire Feb 2011, 4 boxes expire April 2011, and 4 boxes for Sept 2011.  If you know someone or can use them yourself. Please contact me I will split between 2 families if enough respond. 
Hope you are having a great day!