Music to make my heart soar

So did you know if I was to be left on a island with only 1 thing I think it would be music?  I have a love for music that is huge, I love it all *okay not rap or hard core*.  Problem is I have a very limited budget for music buying so I have to be very specific on what I get.  I have been in love with your music players.  I have been known to let the songs on Princess and the Pump,  Sweet to the Soul,  Diabetes Sweeties, and others play over and over again for hours here at the house. Some how you find the songs that reach our souls, you find the athems that make us feel good, you find the songs that bring the tears we have been fighting.  I am trying to create some go to songs for good days and pick me up days.  If anyone wants to share some of their favorites with me so I know who I should download that would be wonderful!  I really want to create some go to songs to play in the car and dance around with my boys with. 

Angel food

I was getting ready to place my family's monthly order and I thought of the DOC. Do you know about this service? It isnt related to income or to faith. It is a wonderful program brought to your local area by the local churches but you dont need to be a member, or even give any financial information and GUESS WHAT!!they have a gluten free option.  Anyway we have been using it for months and it has helped to cut down on our grocrey bills.  IT is great food not 2nds or thow away food.  I will say we have done the large fruit box and you get so much it went bad before we could use it all but now they have a small fruit box.  anyway thought I would make sure you all know about!  have a great day
http://www.angelfoodministries.com/menus/menu_2011-01_en.asp

I mean really...

Okay so we have the boys PCP doctors practice... there are like 10 docs in the group and we have gotten to know them all very well over the last few years.  Then of course we have our Endo practice they are awesome too.. But we end up in the PCP office at least 3 times a month.. some months we are in there more than that... this month is shaping up to be one of those. Let’s put it this way I can be walking in the door and they say HI! Mrs. Davis.. no need to sign in it is a $20 copay.  And to be clear, I am not a crazy person… Jackson’s first fever ever was when he was 10 months old he had strep.  Then we didn’t go except for his well baby appt.  When Joshua came along it was like hello Doctors can I please pay off your school loans for you?? Between the 2 of them in the last 2 years I have been through more breathing treatments, amoxicillian, chest x-rays, rash cream to fill a lifetime.  Joshua has had a upper GI, an Ultrasound, sever reflux as a baby, he now has Diabetes and a hernia that needs surgery. Jackson has had 2 cases of pneumonia, lots of wheezing, allergy testing (not allergic to anything supposedly) and a million fevers with no reason.  For 2 breastfed babies they sure do make you question how breast is the way to stay healthier.. (although we have not had ear problems)
Anyway last week we were in because Joshua had a bad rash all over his body... they asked me over and over again... does he have a fever... I said no... (he didn’t)... Fast forward 5 days and he has a fever... now I don’t know if it is because they like to see my face, he is less than 2 or because he has Diabetes but every time he is running a fever they want to see him ASAP.  Which is great I can always get in but really... it’s a fever.. with Jackson I will let it run for 24-48 hours before calling.. well of course I call today and say he has a fever 1st check is 103.4 with .7 Keytones do you want me to treat with meds and call you tomorrow... they say no, we need to see him.. okay great so off we go at 3:45 to the dr.  (mind you Jackson had a dentist appt at 12:30 -2:30ish so we are just getting in the door when I discover his fever.  Off we go... the nurse says... you came in for a fever when it was just the first time? I said yes I called they told me to come in.. of course the meds have kicked in and his fever is at 99.  the doc listens... she says... we need to do a CBC, and a breathing treatment... I think he may have pneumonia.  She sent us for a chest x-ray and we have a follow up in the am... we have started on amoxicillin.. fun stuff..
Just wondering do your kids get sick as much as mine??  Do your pcps freak out about the D monster and make you come in asap.  This time of course I am glad we did because it appears as though it will be something major but, do you know how many cbcs we have had done and they say oh looks like it just has to run its course… I mean really…

Christmas Funk

Ive been in this funk the last few weeks... I am really frustrated and irritated!  I am so mad that I cant put words to it.  I am over being this "new" person that I am. We had a good Christmas, circumstances being what they are financially we did the best we could.  For me Christmas was a very bitter sweet holiday this year. We spent the entire day fighting Joshua's low. We had a ton of family here which I loved.  I LOVE hosting my family (both my side and Brian’s side).  We have a small 1500 square foot home and when you put 20 people in it, it fills up quick.  But it always works out.  Anyway back to the bitter sweetness. 

I am angry and upset that we had to deal with Diabetes this year, that we had to take breaks to test Joshua. That Jackson had to wait to do his presents till after breakfast because I knew if we started we would mess up the schedule.  I was very sad that Joshua couldn’t just eat whatever and go with the flow.  IT SUCKED!! But every time I got upset I remembered that this could have been a very different Christmas.  Joshua was 11 months old when he was DX last Feb 13th.  He was completely non responsive before the doctors realized what was going on. He had a BG of 1260.  We were told we were within hours of losing him.  So Why cant I just live in the gratitude and not be so angry about it?

My dad was dx with Bladder Cancer in July.  He has been fighting cancer with my mom by his side since then.  They have met with Dr. after Dr. Dad has more “logyst” then I have toes right now but he is fighting, in his way.  He is a strong man and doesn’t discuss what is going on. He went through Chemo all Fall and finished right before Christmas.  On January 31st he has to have a complete Bladder removal.  It is a 12 -14 hour procedure.  Before then he has to meet with more doctors. (in the hospital he had a stroke, and a bowl obstruction alongside the cancer dx).  Again as I was looking at my dad and watching the day I was reminded about how much this sucks and that I HATE cancer.  But I was also reminded that again we could have had it much worse. Dad was in the hospital for 15 days in July.  The reality is that as much as this sucks he was here with us for Christmas.  He is fighting and he will survive.  So why am I so grumpy because I know I won’t be able to do everything for them that I want or need to because I can’t have others care for Joshua and Brian can’t be off work that long.  I am so angry that this disease is costing me time with my parents helping them the way they have always helped me.  Why can’t I just focus on the fact that he is here and we will be okay?

So If I know how blessed I am and  I can see the other side of the coin WHY am I in such a funk.  Why can I not bring myself to blog more and communicate with you.  Why can I not find the energy to do simple things that need to be done?  Christmas has been down for a while and we moved the boys to one room and made a playroom out of the other but I have 2 laundry baskets of books to sort and put away, taxes to start on, Christmas cards to send (okay really how about Valentine’s day cards), a dresser to sell on Craig’s list and the list goes on.  Each of these things will take a few mins but I don’t want to do them... I don’t have the energy to do them.  Then I go to bed angry I didn’t do them... UGHHH it is such a bad cycle!  

Thanks for letting me vent! 



Family fun at Busch Gardens



My Parents with all 5 of the Grandkids *note all boys*

I was so excited to get this photo!!



My Family!



note the testing we had all day of this!!

Extra Test Strips

Hope this finds you all doing well.  My mom (Type 2) has a Freestyle Meter and has lots of extra test strips about to expire this year as she gets more then she needs. It isnt my meter so we thought maybe somone can use them on the DOC.  She has 4 boxes that expire Feb 2011, 4 boxes expire April 2011, and 4 boxes for Sept 2011.  If you know someone or can use them yourself. Please contact me I will split between 2 families if enough respond. 
Hope you are having a great day!

How do you do it?

Okay really I am for real asking this question.  How do you do it all??? I am at a loss... I know I have high expectations for myself but don’t we all?  I want to know how do you take care of 2 kids, (4 yr and 2yr)  do house work, cook be a good and loving wife and still function.  Heck throw diabetes in the mix and I got washed out.  I don’t get enough sleep and I know it but I am so behind on everything!! I work from home which is great for the flexibility but stinky for the accountability.  I am always grumpy, I yell way to much! I can’t even find time to do my blog which I love!  Forget couponing, friends and the gym I need time to shower!
For those of you in the Christmas card switch please know I am hoping to have them to you by New Years
Yes I do have moments here or there but to be honest I’m so exhausted all I can do is sit and stare...
So DOC help me!!  Do you have a schedule you try to stick to get it all done?? Do you do chores on certain days. What is your secret???

Judgement

The other day, I was stunned by this man at home depot. Joshua and I were shopping minding our own business when this man leaned over and said something to Joshua. It caught my attention and so I looked up. He said “how old is he… he is cute”.  I said “21 months”.  He said “well don’t you think he needs to take the pacifier out of his mouth”.  Now... in this moment I had 2 choices ignore him or educate him.  So I feeling rather brave choose the later.  I said to this man.  “Well you know what, it is past his nap time but I have to finish this shopping”.  He said “yes, but really he is a boy... no more pacifiers”.  I said oh so sweetly... “Sir he is a type 1 insulin dependent diabetic.  In order to keep him alive I have to give him a shot with everything he eats or drinks outside of water.  I have to test his blood with a finger prick apx 10 times a day.  I can’t just give him milk or snacks to keep him occupied as we are past nap time.  So I choose to let him have a pacifier.  He will not go to college with it I promise”.  He proceeded to say something under his breath and walk away.  Here is my issue.  I am judged everyday about everything, from my 4 year misbehaving in a store, preschool, thanksgiving dinner or just while I am on the phone.  I am judged when people see me prick my son’s finger, whip out the calculator and then do math for a correction.  I am judged when I am at a friend’s house and I have to ask to see the nutrition guide for the snack they are serving to know how many carbs are there.  I am judged when people learn my 21 month has T1. (I have been asked what I fed him prior to his dx)
I don’t need to be judged for allowing my teething, tired, grumpy 21 month old to use his "binky".  He normally only gets it at bed time this happened to be a special circumstance.  With Jackson we moved to nap time only at 19 months and no binky at 2.  Who knows what we will do this time but I am not taking this away yet from him.  Hey mister, “Your kid can eat a bowl full of goldfish with no complications... so don’t talk to me about he shouldn’t have a binky.. Guess what he shouldn’t have Type 1 either.”
Earlier this week  Hallie wrote about her sleeping habits with Sweetpea. The sleeping issue got me thinking those that judge us for sleeping with our kids probably do not have children that have chronic illnesses..  They can go to bed knowing that if their children have a bad dream they will wake up and come get them.  Little do they know that our bad dream can come true.  I’m not sure why this got me so worked up... but it did.  REALLY in life we need to support each other and move on.  I was so proud of the DOC who responded back to Hallie with lots of kudos and kind words.  I never thought I would be one to let my boys sleep in the bed but given the year we have had if Jackson wants to snuggle I will let him.  Joshua is harder because he is in the crib and he thinks it is play time in mommy’s bed. I also believe they need to be able to sleep on their own but after that it is all about choice... I know I am preaching to the choir on this one but I had to get it out.. The people who judge me for giving Joshua a cookie, a binky, or whatever else need to sleep a night in my house and then they can pass judgment...

Ps… Thank you to Pj’s for a cure!  Brian won these for me from the great Pj Give away.. (Thanks Kris from Sugar Bugs for picking him).  As soon as he gave them to me tonight they went right on.  I LOVE them and they are super comfy!! ps not my best picture ever but wanted you to see how great they are...